Why are religiously active Muslim women shun upon in marriage?


Before I begin this article, I just want to point out something I found interesting. It seems to me that no matter how many articles there are about marriage in Islam, it is a topic that never gets old. If a person reads a couple of articles about respect or salah, the next article would be boring or he’ll say “I know about this already” and he’ll not read it. But if it’s about marriage, no matter how many articles he read on the subject, it’ll always be something he’ll want to read.

Most of these people are single looking to get married (and people looking to fix their current relationships but that’s another story). It’s funny because as these people find out, the number one thing to look for when finding a wife/husband is their religion; but they don’t want to hear that! So they keep reading more articles trying to justify their own desires. They only want to marry that one sister/brother knowing fully well that they aren’t religious at all. That brother or sister may be handsome or beautiful but what good would they be if they aren’t religious or if they know about the religion but refuse to accept certain things? The truth is, most people marry based on beauty before anything else. A lot can be said on this issue but I am only going to talk about religious Muslim sisters and why they are most affected by this.

We live in a very difficult time. Muslims are weak. Muslims get manipulated easily. We’re taken for fools. We only care about our worldly possessions and desires including the desire to marry beautiful women.

Umar bin Al-Khattabi heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a women to marry, his emigration was for what he emigrated for.” (Sahih Bakhari, Volume 1, Book 1, Number 1)

When you marry a women for her beauty, that’s all you’re going to get. It’s no guarantee that your love will be established. So once she starts to age, you might regret your decision to marry her. You’ll start to treat her bad and start looking at other women instead.

When you marry a religious Muslimah, you’ll know that she is hard working, obedient, God-fearing, respectful, modest. She follows what Allah and his messenger (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him) has ordered us to do. For her to even be a good religious Muslimah, she has to go through all the trouble of being teased while walking outside for her hijab. They go through things most of us will never want to go through. In fact, if we Muslim men had the chance to be a Muslim woman for just 1 hour, we wouldn’t even stand a chance. Yet we dare joke around about women staying in the kitchen and washing the clothes? So you think that “pretty” Muslimah you want to marry would obey you if you told her to do something for you in such a disrespectful manner?

Now there’s nothing wrong with being a pretty Muslimah, I’m just talking about those who have beauty and want to show it off, not wear hijab, wear tight clothes, and act like western women. These people like and crave for attention. They don’t focus or want to deal with Islam. You’re lucky if they do all their 5 prayers everyday. Are these the kind of women most Muslim men are seeking today? Isn’t it enough that you have to deal with those people everyday at school or at work?

Personally, as a person who went to high school, is currently in college, and working in America, I would say marrying a religious Muslimah would be a much needed relief. Is it possible to marry a religious Muslimah that is also pretty as well? Yes. But truth is, you’ll have better luck finding one in the middle east as supposed to western countries…..unless, you have a different definition of beauty.

If your definition of beauty is her character, her modesty, her religious commitments, etc, than by all means, you can marry the most beautiful Muslimah you’ve ever seen. But most people don’t think of beauty that way. Those very things I’ve listed are least thought about.

If you think I’m over exaggerating, think again. I’ve been in conversations with other brothers and they always talk about how they would want this person to be their wife, or describe how their wives should be. But when I point to a religiously committed Muslimah, they laugh and take it as a joke. When I ask for why they said no, they first tell me that they don’t look good. But brothers, shes is covering her body so nobody but her future husband can see, so of course you won’t see her figure. They insist that maybe shes hiding a defect in her body that she is too embarrassed or ashamed to show off. The only shameful thing to do is to show off her body to anyone other than her husband. Do you think that by marrying a beautiful women will result in beautiful children? Your children could have even more defects or flaws than you can possibly imagine if Allah wills it.

Brothers, if you keep ignoring the religiously committed Muslimahs, than it’s going to be even harder for future sisters in Islam to become religiously committed. If a Muslim sister grows up to realize that by learning more about Islam and implementing it into her daily life means that her possibly of marriage are slim, than she will lose motivation. Yes, her sole purpose of being so dedicated will be for the sake of Allah alone; but those sisters who are just starting to think about being religiously committed might take a step back and wonder if it’s really worth it.

Brothers, sisters who are religiously committed are valuable. Not only will they help you stay on the straight path but by deciding to marry a religious sister, you have given your future children their full rights as well. It is not fair for the sisters who work hard to be religiously committed to be shun upon like this. Why do women have to dress up half naked in order to be given attention in this world? Why do our sisters have to be treated this way by Muslims when they are already treated badly by western society and even in the middle east?

Perhaps this was more of a rant than an article and perhaps I wasn’t even on topic this time but the point is, we have a problem with the way our brothers choose their wives. They need to be educated on what it means to get married in Islam. They need to understand that beauty isn’t everything and that beauty isn’t just about a women’s face or figure. A women can be beautiful yet immature, spoiled, and self-fish at the same time. There’s a saying that looks can be deceiving. I say that if you choose religion over anything else, you will never be deceived.

I’ll end with these beautiful short quotes,

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran

That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. ~Ninon de L’Enclos

Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

The first question I ask myself when something doesn’t seem to be beautiful is why do I think it’s not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason. ~John Cage

Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye. ~Grey Livingston

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.(Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27)

One response to “Why are religiously active Muslim women shun upon in marriage?”

  1. MashAllah this is really good and so true. Honestly when I see a muslimah, no matter who she is, to me she is beautiful mashAllah.

    "lower your gaze", but when it comes to marriage, just take one look at her, in her hijab, you will find her face shining with Noor. Somehow I feel it! When I met some sisters at ISNA a yr or so ago, they had no make up on, nothing whatsoever. I found them the most beautiful girls at the conference. We only met two days when I went there but SubhanAllah I really wanted to be friends with them. There was something abt them that made me wanna be good friends with them and it was nothing but their piety. Their modesty was so beautiful.

    Brother who have Ghira, would deffoz go with a muslimah who is modest and covered up for Allah's sake. He may not know but when he marries her , he would never regret it inshAllah.

    When she reads Quran
    When she reads Surah Kahf every Friday
    When she prays Tahajjud
    When she prays five times a day
    When she is innocent
    When she is sweet and kind to you in words
    When she is humble and thankful to you
    When her heart is filled with love and mercy for you
    When she only thinks of you and takes good care of you
    When you find her closer to Allah Swt than you,

    You will know that you have got te right girl. Her heart filled with love and compassion is enough for your eyes to see, and this Noor can only be seen by few,

    You just have to look for a righteous girl and try your best to be Righteous yourself inshAllah. At the end of the day, you will come to trust her and love her

    This is when your heart will be in peace and you will want to be in Jannah with her inshAllah

    Who is the best companion for life, who holds your hand and takes you to Jannah?

    It's none but a religious muslimah 🙂 Allahu Akbar!
    Alhamdulillah xD