Parenting Skills learned from Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury

Assalam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barkatuhu

Alhamdullillah I had the privilege today to attend the lecture on ‘Parenting Skills’ given by Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury from Mercy Mission Malaysia.Throughout the lecture (it was very short and concise), All I thought of was the well being of my son Ayaan in this earth and in the hereafter. We mothers, all our hopes and aspirations always surround our children, and we are constantly checking with our selves; Is our children learning good things? Or taking up all the bad attributes from our surroundings?

We are all in the time of Fitna (trial and tribulations) . Life is simply just not in order and has become beyond our control! We are losing patience and at the same time losing hope whether we can bring up our children in any better way than we are now. Likewise Since I took up my Hijab, one of my major prayers to Allah was to teach my son more about Deen (Islam). Therefore I was so inspired to hear the stuff that I had heard today and as the speech gradually came to an end. It just sort of ticked off all the boxes of all the things I needed to know about my child’s upbringing.

In Sha Allah In Sha Allah this will help you in tons. Any of the mothers out there having the same concerns as me, here is the short and concise list of all/almost all the things we definitely need to teach our children about… A gist of things I learnt today at Sheikh Tawfiques lecture ..

In Surah Luqman (31) verse (12-19), Allah said:

  •   And We gave wisdom to Luqman, (and said), “Be grateful to Allah.” And whoever is grateful is, in fact, grateful for his own benefit, and whoever is ungrateful, then Allah is free of all needs, worthy of all praise. [12]
  • And when Luqman said to his son while he was advising him, “My dear son, do not ascribe partners to Allah. Indeed, ascribing partners to Allah (shirk) is grave transgression.” [13] 
  •   We commanded man (to be good) about his parents. His mother carried him facing weakness after weakness, and his weaning is in two years: “Be grateful to Me and to your parents. To Me is the ultimate return. [14]
  • And if they force you to ascribe to Him partners about whom you have no knowledge, do not obey them. And be with them in this world, with due fairness, and follow the way of the one who has turned himself towards Me. Then, towards Me is your return, so I shall tell you about what you had been doing.” [15]
  • “My dear son, in fact, if there be anything to the measure of a grain of rye, and it be (hidden) in a rock or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Surely, Allah is All-Fine, All Aware. [16]
  • My dear son, establish Salah, and bid the Fair and forbid the Unfair, and observe patience on what befalls you. Surely, this is among the matters of determination.[17]
  • And do not turn your cheek away from people, and do not walk on the earth haughtily. Surely, Allah does not like anyone arrogant, proud. [18]
  • And be moderate in your walk, and lower your voice. Surely, the ugliest of voices is the voice of the donkeys.” [19]

(1) Teaching your children to be thankful to Allah
– We need to make sure that when we thank Allah (or any person who has done us a favor- but Allah has given us so much alhamdullillah) we need to be thankful from just not our lips but also from our hearts and not only that, our limbs need to be thankful as well i.e. Through our actions

So 3 steps to thanksgiving :
 (i) Thank the person
 (ii) do something for the person ( if the person has given you an iPhone, and if you can present that person with another iPhone or iPad ) – return the favor – depending on our ability (just an example)
 (iii) speak good of that person to others and let others know about the goodness of that person
Now take a minute and think when have we last thanked Allah or our parents like that??? Alhamdullillah what a lesson .

(2) Do not commit Shirk with Allah (i.e)
 As in associate no partner with Allah (this means not to believe or commit oneself in any these actions such as in majar puja, going to pirs, or tabeez : black magic). Imagine how many times we were taken to majar wala masjids to pray. May Allah forgive us and our parents insha Allah we will not teach that to our children.

(3) To respect one’s parents

We mothers make motherhood feel like it’s just such an easy job but only we know what we go through once we become mothers starting from breastfeeeding our children for 2 years- those body aches and sleepless nights! Alhamdullillah our fathers are working day and night to provide for us for so many years. We really need to teach our children to respect their parents by showing respect to our own parents.

Children learn through their eyes not ears!!! How many times we fight or argue with our parents in front of our children- what will they learn??? May Allah guide us n forgive us all.
In the Qur’an, it is also mentioned that even if our parents if they tell us to Disobey Allah, then without obeying that command we still need to speak to them in goodness and kindness and be in their company and look after them in old age.Again we need to be grateful to Allah and our parents because one day we will have to return to Allah and answer Him.Oh Allah how little do we know!

(4) Fearing and Remembering Allah all the time – Taqwa
Just keep teaching and reminding our children that Allah is watching us all the time all the time all the little things that we do are being recorded. Sheikh says, just don’t keep telling your children don’t do this don’t do that, teach them one thing and that is to Fear Allah and that will automatically aware your child- not to drink. Not to use drugs . Not to gamble – not to party etc
Actually how much of don’ts can we tell our children! They will hate us! Just teach them to fear Allah and that he is watching us all the time ! Amazing huh?

(5) Discipline your children by establishing Salah (5 times prayers)
– Imagine waking your children up for Fajr everyday at 6 am in the morning since childhood, how disciplined your child will become? Just how many of our mothers complain that their children sleep all day.. Alhamdullillah eyes opener – right?

(6) Command your children to do Good and spread the word of goodness
Show them how to help others, feed the poor, to love the nature, animals, how to smile and forbid them to do evil deeds like lying, stealing etc

(6) Patience – Sabr
As your child grows up – teach them about hunger, make them fast (sawm) with you. Teach them to be patient on what befalls them. Always tell your children when you are going through a financial crisis and teach them the value of things in life. Control your anger in front of your children, they will learn it from you – Being Patient takes a lot of courage!! Alhamdullillah the word of Allah!
(7) Teach them about good Character

There are 3 things we need to teach:

(i) Don’t turn your heads away from others arrogantly –
Imagine how many times we turn away our heads from beggars through our windows! Ya Allah forgive us Ameen
(ii) Don’t walk on this earth with pride, we need to remove pride . How we introduce ourselves as, “Oh I am an Australian Doctor, Oh I am Eng.this and Dr.That! No remove your pride! Introduce yourself plainly as who you really are- I am Fauzia Q Tania – a common man! Let the other person slowly find out about our good things themselves . We Need to remove Pride and embrace Humility because there is Beauty in humbleness.
How else can we teach children about avoiding Status and Class? How many of us girls have rejected proposals from boys just because they studied in bangla medium schools.. As if no good person studied in bangla medium schools! May Allah increase our knowledge Ameen. Status and Class will lead us to hellfire and grievous punishment.
(iii) Don’t brag/boast about yourself
Surely Allah does not love any self-conceited boaster.

(8) Watch how you walk and watch how you talk
We need to teach our Children to walk in a normal and at a very humble pace. Don’t teach your children to walk with head up high, with pride and teach your children to speak in a lower voice . Not too loud and not too soft ( people might think u are a weak person) a moderate tone should be maintained. We always need to tell our children to moderate their voices.

Final Advice :
You cannot expect your children to be good if you are bad
Because Children learn by looking not hearing. Teach your children about Allah’s words, Tawheed, Hadith, and get them used to saying: In sha Allah , Alhamdullillah , ma Sha Allah!
Teach your children to read Qur’an. We need to teach our children to embrace, understand and act upon the Quran.

Alhamdullillah we just need to make sure of these 8 points as Parents.

So important !!! Alhamdullillah I cannot thank Allah for this lecture and so thankful to the people at home Adiba Ahmed Aman , Rashed Aman, Khaled Aman, Shafia Sobhan Chowdhury who supported me today at home and with me during this lecture.

A good age to teach your children about these points are from age 7 to 14. Although kids are watching us all time time. We need to be set ourselves as examples for our children.
However here is the guideline: The first 7 years of your Child, you play with him; The next 7 years you teach him what he needs to learn; And the next 7 years we need to be his friend.

May Allah Swt keep us steadfast in our prayers and teach us to be thankful to ALLAH at all times and help us bring up our children on the straight path that Allah has shown Ameen. Allah will hold us accountable! May Allah guide us in the right path. Ameen

submitted by Fauzia Q Tania

5 responses to “Parenting Skills learned from Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury”

  1. May Allaah make this article a sadaqa jariyah for you….. and help all the parents….esp mothers to raise a great Muslim Ummah. Aameen.

  2. Awww…So very sweet and romantic! Inshallah I will be blessed with a good, pious Muslim husband like him one day

  3. As salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu my name is jawaad salahudeen and I am in the process of doing a book about sisters and brothers con/reversions to ISLAM. If you are interested send your story to my email at inshaallah everyone who participates will receive a free copy of the book. Also it will be a continuous charity for you inshaallah.