Mother in law

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem
Assalam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barkatuhu
A mother in law is an amazing person. She is the one with whose blessings a man marries a woman. Then with those blessings, they live a life with peace and harmony. I have seen many sisters make dua for a righteous, loving and a caring husband. They spend years making this dua. It’s great and I highly recommend making dua asking Allah Subhana Wa ta’ala for a good spouse. Most of the time the sister’s Duas do get accepted Alhamdulillah. However when it comes to “mother in law”, many sisters are not happy about it.

I think it’s important to make dua for a good husband as well as a good family. This is because once we get married we will either live with the family or even if we live separately we interact with them often. So asking Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala for a family who loves us is the best thing. It will bring so much love and peace in our life.
Now a days and it also has been the case of the olden days, a mother in law is showed as someone who doesn’t treat her daughter in law well.
This is so not true. There are mother in laws who treat their daughter in laws like their own daughters. A mother in law is the queen of the family and the people around her are the prince and the princesses.
Now, I know after marriage it takes time to get to know your husband and also his family. I have thought about a few steps that will help you have a great relationship with your mother in law Insha’Allah:
1. Think positive
You are newly married and this is the first time you will be living with your mother in law. Start with good and positive thoughts about her. Imagine her as someone very beautiful with a pure heart. If you think this way about her, you will be great with her.
2. Respect her
Always show respect to your mother in law. When you wake up in the morning, dress neatly looking fresh and greet her with a smile.
3. Treat her well
Treat your mother in law with special kindness. Don’t be rude or displeasing to her in any manner. If you do not agree with what she said, then be silent or say it in a way that doesn’t make her feel upset.
4. Make her feel important
A lot of times, mother in law feels that her son is not spending much time with her. It’s true after marriage, sons get busy and spend more time with their wives. Have your husband spend good time with his mother. Tell him to bring surprise gifts for her (without an occasion). If your husband asks for your opinion, give him your opinion but have him ask his mother as well.
5. Honor her
Honor your mother in law in every way. Always remember that your mother in law has greater rights over your husband. His paradise is at her feet. So, make sure she is always happy and he is good to her.
6. Be helpful
Ask her if she needs any help. Be there for her.
7. Have fun together
Be good friends with her. Go out for shopping together. Try to see if you both have something in common and do it together.
8. Treat her like your own mother
Yes. You are the part of the family now. A mother in law is a mother also. If she treats you like her own daughter then show her the love that you have for your own mother.
I truly believe that love can change anything and about everything. If we are nice and kind to others, then no matter how much they don’t like us they will come to love us. Islam cleared away all the diseases from the heart. During the times of Jahiliyah, there uses to be evil plots against daughter in law or the mother in law. The jealousy and hatred would take place in that relationship. However, when Islam came it showed us how to be with others and how much we should respect our elders. A good mother in law always cares and treats her daughter in law well as her own daughter. If her son and daughter in law have a dispute, she gives them the best advice based on her own life experiences. A Muslim mother in law is wise and intelligent. When she looks at the proposals for her son, she makes sure that her daughter in law is fully committed to her deen and welcomes her with lots of love.

“Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint – none but persons of the greatest good fortune.” (Quran 41:34-35)

May Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala keep us on the straight path always. Ameen

Article submitted by Ishrat Ali

14 responses to “Mother in law”

  1. I did all of this but none of it worked .. all I ended up is with humiliation and abuse … This kind of stuff happens in dramas and movies now

  2. Assalam Alayki dear sister,

    I understand. I know this sounds all fantasy but a true muslimah would do good to others because she fears Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala.

    I advise you to be patient Insha Allah. No injustice will go unanswered. Keep making Dua to Allah asking Him to guide your mother in law. No matter what we do, we cannot always make everyone happy. Perhaps may be Allah Swt is testing you. You do your part and leave the rest to Allah Swt.

    Mother in law is the mother of your husband. Sometimes not just mother in law even mothers arent nice to their own daughters. We cannot break our ties because of that. Strive to be patient and you will be rewarded by most High Insha Allah.

    May Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala bless you, help you and make it easy on you Ameen

  3. Salam Sister,

    Thank you very much for the information…lets be real it will never work living with your mlaw! It is not Islamic it is a hindu tradition. My ml is a evil person she wants me to earn because she cnt see her son spending money on his family. She is always evil whispering about me and I hope I never see her again when she goes back to the backward village or shall i say hole she is from inshallah!

  4. Walayki Assalam dear sister

    The mother in law I have talked about in this article is about a muslim woman who fears and loves Allah.

    I know that it's not always like this and that not just mother in law, even husband and wife don't get along. Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala tests us in many ways.
    We just have to do our best and be patient Insha Allah.

    May Allah guide us all Ameen

  5. No matter how nice you are to your mother in law – you buy her gifts, make her feel important, treat her like your own mother, always put her 1st in front of your husband she will still embarass you in front of your husband n family members. My mother in law is a very jealous and cunning person. Out of all the daughter-in-laws I have never spoken back to her – but she still goes around telling people that we are all bad. She doesn't have a husband – so when she got her last son married (to me) – she felt threatened, as she was always lady # 1 in his life. She says she sees us like her daughters which is not true! Instead she sees us as someone who has stolen her son away from her! I hope Allah punishes her for what she's doing and all the drama she has been causing in our lives! I have been so patient with her and am still being patient and having sabar. With her in my life – I am avoiding having kids. My sister-in-law had a baby 2 years ago and she caused so much drama in her life! She didnt want anyone else to hold/touch the baby only her. She was even trying to teach the baby to call her mum! Which is totally wrong.

    She always wants to seem important – and wants her sons to fight with their wives. She gets pleasure in doing this. Right now she has to live in different place bcoz she causes so much issues with all her daughter-in-laws that no-one wants to have around. I respected my mother-in-law because she was my husbands mother. And one of the reasons why I married my husband in the 1st place was due to his mother being widowed. I thought ater marriage my mother in law and I would live like best friends – but this woman seems to complain and backbite about everything. She is the worst person that Allah has brought into this Earth. She has caused depression and suicidal attempts with all of her daughter in laws! And in the end she turns around and says "I'm widowed and everyone is picking on me"….

    I could write a book about her – all I wish is that she will dissapear so we all can live our lives peacefully!

  6. Slms, I am a Muslim women married for 15 years, and i can assure you that my mother in law will still wish for my husband and I to get divorced I have 2 beautiful children a 14 yr old and a 13 yr old – my situation is very complicated this women is not my real mother in law, she married my father in law when my husbands mother passed away my husband was still very young and doesnt remember his real mother my father in law passed away a long time ago as well, however I have never met someone so evil in my life, she has caused so many problems, i am working, my husband does not provide anything for me i fully support my children and myself i am fed up and tired, she doesnt like it if he spends anything towards his family, she should feel embarrased that her daughter in law supports her husband, i too wish she could disappear, I'm tired of living like this and so are my children, i must spend all my money on the house buying food and everything and she is so nasty to me, every Ramadhaan she looks for a fight with me just so she can spoil this beautiful month for me, i think she is just evil, i have bent over backwards for her do as she tells me, but no more!!! I dont think ALLAH SWT has intended for us to suffer in this Duniya he wants us to be happy, but this women suppressed me she toments me and she tortures my children she hates my daughter and takes out her frustration on her all the time, i dont think that this is Islamic.
    Please can someone help me.

  7. I don't have very good advise to give but if I was in your situation and depending on which country you're at, I would try and scare her about calling the Police on her and do so if she still doesn't listen. There is a limit to how much abuse you can suffer.

    But I am sure, someone else can hopefully advise you better.

    May Allah (SWT) increase you in patience and make your situation as a test in which you will be rewarded tremendously for inshaAllah.

  8. exactly, i tried all these and they do not work, she take more advantaje and abuse more, specially if daughther in law is not speaking same language .If she have some personla issue then here you go ,u can try this way till u die.Just look how other treat her and try find out what is wrong with her, some have mental problems and you try treat like normal personal and u do not kno wwhat is wrong .is not you is them ,specially if u have onest heart and look from both side ,u will recognize and then u have to deal like with a person with special need,some of they they do not know they are sick ,but when u see this and realize just do your best and be more more patient an dtry to forget do not take personl is not worth it.

  9. oooo Allah soo true im in same situation, just her husband is out country working in another country and guess what , my husband is all her support and i m not even aloud to talk to my husband in front of her on internte-my husband work in another country too.of he calls i have to hide just not take jelosy from her.As i post previously, some of them have a desease in heart or in mind and they are sick,allah said about this .So my advice try be patient and do not take personal, try smile ,even if u force yourself, and try talk to husband and say is not complain, just need his advice since he is her son.If your husband is understanding is very good, but what is really important dealing with this kind of people, my opinion is to keep yourself pure an dgood inside your heart, and not let sheytan attack you, mean not loose yourself trying to please others, specially when see so much mean and angry and bad arround u, and coruption, in famili i mean, cause i see this arround me and all i have is Allah and his protection and guidance,without him i think i would have gone crazy,somethimes u can not believe from nothing make a drama and notr speack all day, like ooo my God what have u done, you know what is not your faulth, saomethimes they have to be teachen a lesson, depends as i said if they have a problem with head then leave it to Allah, if not try not show u suffer and deal even better,and not let yourself down from all these for STRONG and focus for sake of Allah and not let your heart source of sadness. read more coran and made duaa sincerly to Allah, i know may be all say these, but just try when u pray and think do i pray sincere , how do i know? and try improve yourself inside your heart, are sooo many lectures on net about trials and if u are onest and play fair in front of allah , allah will not let you.this is the whole ideea,be strong and focus on what really matter, no matter how hard it is.I know your feelings, u are not alone, are leats of people go into this, all will be accountable to Allah, i know u look for an answr, look in your past and in present in your actions and ask Allah to guide you,u kno wwhat somethimes someone shoudl say in face look ladie you have issues with yourself, stop doing this to people you hurt them and you hurt me also, why you do this? Allah see you.and then see what she says, really

  10. Just like the sister "anonymous" I have been trying to do all suggestions given above. Everything seemed to be going well until my divorced sister-in-law poisoned my MIL and put her against us (dauther-in-laws). Eventually, I was physically attacked and morally hurt. I'm emotionally hurt very much, and do not really know how to be towards my MIL. Should I behave as if nothing happened? If I do so my MIL and SIL are sure of the thought THEY HAVE DONE RIGHT THING TO ME, If I make changes in my treatment to them (noticable enough that I didn't like what they did to me) I think of he is the mother of my beloved husband. So messed up.

  11. Salaam
    i just want to add something we have to respect elders as long as they give us good advice not against God's will/rules. So as long as mil gives us good suggestions i think we have to follow them. However, if mil intention is to harm us and let alone could destroy a marriage there is no reward in listening to her advice and there is not even an obligation to listen to her. Listen to the words of the good advice but not to the speaker! and we cannot get the real intention of mil right away but after some experiences and consistency i think we ll get the pattern and could know whether eventually she has a good or bad intention. Allah gives us brain and must be able to 'read' our understanding. By the way this mil problem does not always occur with the daughter in law. It can also happen with a son in law who lives with his wife.s mother

  12. In the end….. No matter what….. We shall be questioned in front of Allah about OUR acts! Even if some1 is cruel towards us… It's how we react towards them that counts. We are not animals nor kafirs.. We are Muslims. The difference between us and kafirs is our imaan and the difference between us and animals is our ibadaat based on freewill… Inallah mahaswarbirin! Indeed Allah are with ones who bears in patience and swaalat! In the end, no matter what, only OUR acts that will count