The amount of times I’ve heard brothers say “my wife is meant to serve me” or when sisters say “I won’t cook and do the laundry for him while he gets to go outside and enjoy himself” is simply sad and pathetic. Single and married Muslims need to grow up and understand that if that’s the mentality that they have for each other (brothers and sisters) then single Muslims are making it harder on themselves to get married and married Muslims are not really in love. Here’s the deal…
Single sisters, you have no right to say that you don’t want to be a housewife because you don’t know what it feels like. If you think it is the same as doing chores around the house the way your parents make you, then you’re absolutely wrong. Being a housewife is something you do out of love for your husband. When he leaves the house to go to work, you’re going to start to think to yourself, “wow, he’s going to be home soon. What should I do to make him happy?” That’s when you think, hmm maybe I should cook for him so when he comes home from a long and tiring day, he can have something good to eat. Perhaps I should wash his dishes to show how much I love him and care about the things that he does for me. Maybe I should clean his clothes to show that I care about him and want him to look his best. Maybe I should go outside and buy some clothes that will make me look good because I know he sees a lot of pretty women at work and I want him to feel happy that he made the right choice by choosing me and knowing that he has a beautiful wife to look forward to when he comes home.***
These feelings should be automatic. There should be no hesitation. The above situations is what it truly means to be a housewife. Dear married sisters, if you don’t have these feelings, then something is wrong. You might love your husband, but maybe not 100%. If you feel that doing all these things is a drag then perhaps you need to evaluate why you feel that way. If it is because of your husbands own flaws then talk to him. If this flaw is fixable, then alhamdulilah, may Allah make the bond between you two stronger. If it is not fixable, then alhamdulilah, at least you have a husband. Many sisters wish to have a husband so be thankful to Allah that you are married and try to forgive that flaw and find other characteristics about him that will make you feel more attached to him. Remember that you have flaws too.
Single brothers, it is disgusting and embarrassing to the Muslim Ummah when you say that a wife is meant to cook for you like a maid and/or be your slave (or even worse, sex slave). You brothers are probably 90% of the reason why women feel bad or have bad views about being a housewife. You’re supposed to be thankful that your wife is obedient and stays at home to serve your every need. When you’re on your way home from work, you should think “I cannot wait to go home and see my wife. What should I do to make her happy to see me?” That’s when you think, hmm maybe I should buy her some flowers to show how much I missed her. Maybe I should buy her some jewelery to show how much I care about her. Perhaps I can take her out for dinner so she doesn’t have to work too hard and take a break from cooking and washing the dishes all month long. Maybe I should give her some special attention to show her that she isn’t missing out on the love and affection that couples give to each other outside in public and that waiting for me all this time while I was at work is always worth it.***
Single brothers, if you continue to view our Muslim sisters in the manner I mentioned in the first sentence of this article, then you don’t deserve a wife. Married brothers, understand that if you keep treating your wife like a slave then she may not stick around for long. You have to be grateful for the things that she does for you. The feelings I mentioned above should be shown on a constant basis. If you have never felt grateful for your wife then you need to open up your mind. You need to imagine what your life would be like without your wife. You’ll be miserable and ashamed for treating her the way you did and you should ask Allah for forgiveness and make it a goal to start treating her the way she deserves to be treated.
Sisters, I am not saying that you can’t go out there and work. It is understandable that after all these years in school, the least you can do is go out and experience what it feels like to work and make money. And working doesn’t mean that you don’t love your husband as much as a housewife does. But rather I am trying to make you understand that being a housewife doesn’t mean that you’ve lost all your rights. Rather it means that you really love your husband and you feel that staying at home, taking care of the kids, cooking the food, etc is the best way to show him that.
Brothers, I am not saying to stop treating your wives like a slave or a maid, I am saying that you CANNOT treat your wives like a slave or a maid and that you MUST treat her with the respect and kindness she deserves.
May Allah make us all righteous spouses and may Allah forgive all of our sins and to protect us from shaytan. Ameen.
***The examples I mentioned above for the brothers and sisters are just a few examples of what a wife and husband can do to show that they love each other. There are obviously countless other ways of doing so. If you want to share those ways, please comment on this article as it will be beneficial to everyone as well as myself.***